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My cups, they do not runneth over.

2005-07-13 - 5:43 p.m.

I believe I may have mentioned this before (but Iím not having any luck searching for it and Iím too lazy to persevere), but Iíve always felt kind of ambivalent about my breasts. Pre-puberty I was dreading growing breasts, knowing their advent would mark the end of my freedom to run around outside in just a pair of shorts. (It was the seventies, we lived in the country, and my mom was kind of a hippy so yes, it was perfectly appropriate to be running around topless, even for a female child.)

Add to that the fact that theyíve always just kind of seemed stuck on as an afterthought to me. My ever-tactful grandmother used to describe me as ďbarrel-chestedĒ and Iím afraid she was not being just unusually cruel; I donít really taper in at the waist much, or, if you look at it the other way, flare out at the hips and ribcage. I did NOT look cute in those typical little sundresses that other little girls wore Ė the kind where the top is a scrunchy elasticized tube and the bottom flares prettily out from there? Even as an adult I bulge at the armpits when Iím in anything that squeezes me around the chest, like a tube-top or a gym bra. Iím not saying Iím hideously deformed or anything, just that articles of clothing like that donít produce a flattering look for me. So, on this relatively tubular torso of mine, breasts look kind of, well, wrong to me.

It doesnít help that Iíve really only got one good one, as far as Iím concerned. While my husband is more than happy with my rack, my more critical eye easily makes out an imbalance of form between the two sides. While I do have a penchant for skinny-dipping and I routinely disrobe in the gym locker room, itís not like I care that much about what anyone other than J thinks. Still, it would be nice to have a bit more in the balcony, no matter how content I am with the basement.

Where did this line of thought come from you ask? Most books and sites Iíve read that go into changes to expect in pregnancy mention the fact that I could look forward to increased boobage. Many of them cite times far earlier than now as when I should be noticing this particular change. By week 8, one book counseled, I should probably be shopping for some new bras to provide me adequate support lest I gasp end up sagging after Grommet is weaned.* Well itís week 10 baby, and my bras still fit fine and the nipples? Have not darkened either. I confess that Iíd always been hoping that my B-cub boobs would both fill out and even out during pregnancy and so far? Hasnít happened.

Maybe itíll be a sudden thing, like Robin Williams said at the Met, ďin one night [Iíll] go from zero to Aida.Ē Maybe Iíd better be careful what I wish for.

*Iíve got news for the authors of that antiquated 80s book: from all accounts, the boob-sagging is inevitable after pregnancy and breastfeeding, no matter how industrial-strength your support is during the process. This is the same book that said not to become a ďpregnancy boreĒ by bothering your husband with the topic too much. *snort*

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