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The final countdown.

2008-06-02 - 7:48 a.m.

At this time tomorrow I’ll be at the hospital getting prepped for the c-section which will give the Biscuit his escape hatch into the world. This is not typed without a certain amount of trepidation/panic/excitement: the first due to the fact that I’ll be shortly caring for a newborn again, and all the sleeplessness that entails; the second due to the fact that, in order for him to get here I’m going to be sliced open, and this time I don’t have luxury of not knowing what that will mean in terms of process and recovery, and nor will I be distracted by labour pains and concerns as to the wee one’s health; and the third, well, that’s the obvious one – we’re about to meet this new little being that will likely be our last addition to our nuclear family.

A friend has already emailed me to ask how I’m spending my last day as the mother of just one, and my answer was a breezy, “Oh, you know: obsessively checking to see if I've packed/forgotten anything, picking up some last-minute stuff like snacks for [J] and I for the hospital, trying to make sure everything will go smoothly with [Grommet] tomorrow, having my pre-op appointment for bloodwork, etc.” While all these things are true, I don’t think I really communicated the essence of what’s going on in my head. For instance, I left out the fact that it’s not yet 7:30 and I’ve been up for 2 hours already. I haven’t been terribly productive – unless you can count writing this, eating re-heated pancakes, and Googling “flip video review” – but other members of the household are still asleep and I don’t want to disturb them.

At this late date I find I’m unexpectedly experiencing some, well, not “regret” exactly regarding my decision to plan a c-section, but some twinges of “what if I hadn’t”? As mentioned in a comment I recently made on A Little Pregnant:

“For me [the choice between planned c-section or VBAC] was easier earlier in the pregnancy, when I couldn't see anything but doom and gloom if I opted for that "trial of labour". This was largely because it was hard to picture anything different from my previous experience, which was pre-eclampsia, followed by induced labour, ending with an emergency c-section, and I didn't want to repeat that particular sequence. Now that I'm almost 38 1/2 weeks along and have "pristine" blood pressure (my OB's word), I'm second-guessing the planned c-section I have scheduled for Tuesday.

I don't think I'll change it at this point though, since all the arrangements for care of my toddler have been made, the hospital bag (well, large storage tote, actually) is packed, and we're pretty much at the "Thundercats are go!" stage.”

In other words, if I’d known a long time ago that I wouldn’t have any sign of high blood pressure or pre-eclampsia at this stage, I still don’t know if I would have opted for a VBAC but I suspect I’d at least have put off the planned c-section for another week (39 ½ weeks, vs. 38 ½) and maybe told my doctor that if I went into labour spontaneously beforehand that I’d give it a try. Already I’m past the point where I had Grommet, who was born at 38 weeks on the nose, and it’s kind of a novel thought to contemplate the fact that I could have chosen to try for a VBAC with the optimistic view that it might work out. In the earlier days of this pregnancy I was convinced that trying a VBAC would only mean excruciating pain, ending in a panicked c-section with a longer recovery than a planned one would have meant. At this point though, I do feel very much carried along by the current, bearing me inevitably towards my planned c-section tomorrow morning.

Speaking of tomorrow morning… this is one of those rare times I kind of wish I Twittered (Tweeted?) so that I could give more real-time updates on what’s going on. Mind you, you’re not allowed to have cell phones on while you’re in the hospital and I think that’s how you normally send such things, so I’d be out of luck anyway. And I couldn’t bring a laptop because there’d be no connection there. So, everyone’s just going to have to wait and tune in later in the week to find out the vital statistics and details and such. We’re going to be gone until at least Thursday night, more likely Friday, so run amok in the archives until then.

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