Compartment 14B
| Newest | Older | Contact Me | Profile | Photos | Etsy |
Pa-ra-noi-a will de-stroy ya. 2005-07-20 - 4:27 p.m. Bonus points for naming the band I�m quoting in the title. I feel like I should write about something other than the pregnancy but it�s been preoccupying my thoughts lately. I will mention that I�ve been told that the midwife will bust out the Doppler and try to locate Grommet�s heartbeat for us tomorrow. I explained over the phone that yes I realize I�m being paranoid but ever since the spotting and the doctor asking if I still felt pregnant, there have been days when I really don�t feel pregnant and my nausea has pretty much abated and my boobs don�t hurt and they�re not any bigger and that What to Expect When You�re Expecting book just freaked me out even more when it tried to reassure readers that �silent miscarriages� are extremely rare and sometimes accompanied by a beige or brownish discharge, which was exactly what I had, and then pregnancy symptoms go away (and ISN�T THAT KIND OF WHAT I�VE BEEN SAYING I�M EXPERIENCING FOLKS?), and I would just find it really reassuring if she would at least listen for the heartbeat. So she�s going to. Whew. Maybe I�ll have something good to tell you on Friday. Or maybe I�ll be freaking the fuck out because she couldn�t find it (not a guarantee at 11 � weeks) and I�ll have to wait a WHOLE OTHER WEEK until the ultrasound. I know I�m not the only woman who has this particular fear. But while it�s haunting me, there�s a small, insistent voice in my head telling me that I�m not really pregnant, I�m just getting fat because of all the food I�ve been eating. And what�s worse, I kind of believe it. And I want to shut that little voice the hell up, thankyouverymuch. I read sites of women who have rented Dopplers for this stage of their pregnancies. I used to shake my head at it. Now? I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND and I am sending out a general apology for ever thinking they were unreasonably paranoid. The paranoia karma gods have boomeranged me for it. Paranoia, thy name is now Shawna. ---------------------------------------------- Annnnd� the weather. The last conversational refuge of the Canadian desperate for small talk. I love me some heat folks - as anyone who has heard me whining all winter will attest to - but the sheer swampiness of the last few days even got to me. Today, however, it has dried up and is a beautiful, beautiful day. The kind of day I live for. Yet where am I? Inside an office building using my precious post-workday free time to write to y�all. I hope you appreciate it. This weekend I�m planning on heading off to the Women�s Voices Music Festival at the Beantown Ranch with a couple of my friends. I think I�ve been to all of these annual Festivals except the first one, and it�s become a tradition over the years. Last year the festival was cancelled due to some funding issues so I�m glad to see it�s back on again this year. I�ll probably just go up for Saturday afternoon and evening but it�s a great atmosphere and I always come back feeling like I�ve been steeping in estrogen. One year I inadvertently counteracted the effect by heading straight to target shooting with a bunch of my male buddies, but generally, I like letting it soak in. I take in some music, do a little skinny dipping, attend a workshop or two� should be good. Maybe I�ll have some non-baby-related stories for you for next week. One can always hope...
recommend me
That means no swiping my stuff - text, images, etc. - without asking.
HTML and design help by Jo
hosted by Diaryland