Compartment 14B
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To tell or not to tell. 2005-06-23 - 12:11 p.m. I�m now at day 38 post-ovulation / seven weeks and two days in obstetrical terms. Grommet will be the size of a pea this week. You can see check out his or her alien-looking features and a scientific description of what�s going on in terms of development on this handy site. I think (s)he�s somewhere around stage 16, coming up on stage 17 this weekend. As for me, I�m spending a lot of time feeling vaguely nauseous but, thankfully, am still not throwing up. I got some Lactaid to deal with all the milk I�ve been having to drink and has been upsetting my tum a bit, so it may improve. Or it may not; we�ll see. All my clothes still fit and I don�t think there�s any obvious changes to my shape, even in my form-fitting gym stuff. I think I may have gained a couple of pounds but it�s due, no doubt, to the constant grazing and the really rich menu of last week (beaver excepted of course). I have not-so-great-skin days, but that�s no different from what happens in a normal cycle for me. It�s funny but instead of getting more real, this pregnancy is actually a little less real than it was at the very beginning. I think it�s because I haven�t gone through any new changes since the initial onset of nausea and odd-feeling boobs and belly, so I�ve just gotten used to these things as part of my state of �normal.� I know exactly what all those women mean who have said that they kind of want some symptoms, even if they�re not all that pleasant. Mentally, I�m adjusting to the idea as well, so I�m not as constantly stifling the compulsion to blurt it out to people. When something�s new and big, I wanna TELL, but when it becomes more �just the way it is,� it�s not as difficult. Also (a confession), I feel guilty about the fact that I�ve told a bunch of people and J hasn�t been able to tell anyone. You see, I have support network that includes a number of people, mostly women, who have known that we�ve been trying for a long time. And, of course, these people ask how the efforts are going. And I can�t LIE to them, can I? My boss knows as well since she�s the one who�ll be letting me go to prenatal appointments during work hours and will have to cover for me if, heaving, I have to dash from a meeting with no warning. The thing is, J doesn�t have an equivalent set to talk to. His friends are on par with the friends I have that I�m not telling until after the first trimester�s over and all the testing has been done and we�re in the clear. He doesn�t have a boss to tell, he is the boss. He didn�t talk to people about the trying, so there�s no one asking him now who�s not just being nosey about why two married people our age aren�t starting a family yet. We�re waiting to tell his sister and her husband until we see them in person in July, just as we�re waiting to tell my sister for the same reason. The fact is, many, many more people know than I wanted to tell, but when you�re on a course which includes activities which have specific restrictions around what pregnant women can and cannot do, well, it becomes pretty obvious who�s following those restrictions. For example, I couldn�t participate in the sweat lodge ceremony but, unlike women on their �moon time� (who were banished to a separate tent), I was allowed to be outside the sweat lodge and throw tobacco on the fire when it was called for. I suppose I could have elected to cloister myself in the other tent, but since I was already missing out on what was touted as the �culmination� of the week, I wanted to at least see what I could and participate to the extent I was allowed. So, as a result, 25 or so of people who are merely acquaintances got to find out before we could even tell most of our immediate family. And of course, the internet knows, but I don�t really mind that for some reason. Maybe when I do start getting some new symptoms which make my gravid state more real to me I�ll have to wrestle down that impulse to tell more people. Right now, I�m a little �told� out.
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