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Holy S*$%!!!!

2005-06-08 - 10:03 a.m.

ÖContinued from yesterday.

The following was written on Tuesday, May 31, 2005. It wonít be posted until after I tell a few certain people in person (note the foreshadowing). But donít be mad Internet, I still love you and youíre still finding out earlier than a lot of family and ďreal timeĒ friends. I donít want to tell a lot of casual friends before the magic 3-month mark and Iíve had a chance to take the tests for a bunch of stuff. But youíve been following along this journey with me so how can I not tell you early? How can I not share this news? And how better to voice my hopes and fears?


There are two lines.
Two fucking lines!

Yes, one of them is still fainter than the other but dude, TWO FUCKING LINES!!!!

I am at work on my second day in this job and I am trying to appear all focused and professional but I am freaking the fuck out!

Isnít if strange how you could want something, and try for a year to get it, and finally resort to drugs for it, yet when it happens you are in no way shape or form prepared? I am trying to wrap my head around it and I am failing miserably. My head, it might explode! And Iím stopping myself from going nuts Googling everything on pregnancy that exists on the web, because once I start Iíll be useless here at work today. Iím trying not to dwell on telling J; Iím trying not to let my mind get occupied with devising cool ways to tell my family; that way madness lies, or at least my eyes might well up and hey, Iím at work here. Iím still trying to look professional when I meet people I didnít meet yesterday.

My thoughts today are kind of like this:
Oh yes, I have to get to work on that paper. I should find out what my new boss has in mind for me to do today as well. OhmygodohmyGodohmyGOD! Yep, where did I put that presentation? What should I be eating? Is it okay that I had that decaf this morning? Should I be searching out some milk to go with my lunch? I really should see where my boxes are at from my last office Ė they should have been here before I got here. I canít wait to tell J!

Needless to say, Iím not as productive today as I should be.

I already have the plan laid out for telling J. Truth be told, I prepared for it last year and part of my plan has been stashed in my underwear drawer. Iím going to hand him a present. Under the wrapping paper will be a book, Be Prepared. In that book will be a Polariod bookmark, taken this morning, of my belly with the word ďBUNĒ written on it in eyeliner, and my hand holding the positive test above it. I will also include the test, tucked into the package. Iím going to have my camera out to try to capture the look on his face when he realizes what my message is.

Our lives are about to change. Drastically. I donít think Iíll stop freaking out on some level for a very, very long time.

In the immortal words of SundryÖ


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