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Zoot has been CHOSEN.

2005-02-25 - 3:35 p.m.

I headed on over to MissZoot.com the other day and read the news: Zoot is pregnant!

‘Self,’ I thought, ‘this is some damn fine news. Zoot and Mr. Zoot have been trying so hard for this and wanting it so much. Zoot is already a great mom, and Mr. Zoot is such a great step-dad, and it’s wonderful to see people who so deserve to be parents have babies.

So why don’t you feel as thrilled for them viscerally as you do intellectually? What kind of jerk are you? C’mon, snap out of it you self-centered wench. Are you… wait a gosh-darn second here… you are! You’re jealous AREN’T YOU???’

And my friends, while that’s not exactly right, it’s not exactly wrong in that there may just be a hint of it behind the way I feel.

Y’see, the way I feel, it’s, well, have you seen Toy Story? Because if you haven’t this analogy won’t make much sense (and it’s a great movie so you should definitely stop reading RIGHT NOW and rent it before continuing…. Have you done it? Good, I’ll proceed on the assumption that you will now understand the rest of this…).

At one point in Toy Story, Buzz and Woody find themselves in one of those contraptions where you put in money and manipulate a claw to try to grab a prize, which is then carried to the slot where you can retrieve it. This machine, in this case, is filled with little green, three-eyed toy aliens who think the Claw is some divine force that chooses who will be carried off to the next, unknown world. I kind of feel like one of those green guys watching a comrade be plucked from our midst. I don’t know what lies ahead for her in the next world but for some reason, a quality she has (luck? good hormone levels? good timing?) that I do not, Zoot has been CHOSEN.

And I, of course, have not.

And Zoot getting pregnant in no way shape or form has any influence over whether I will be similarly successful. I know that and mentally snort at the suggestion otherwise.

But before I “came out” as “trying” in this journal, Zoot was in on the secret, and she and I would email each other about the trials and tribulations of our efforts. Now, well, she’s made it and is on to a whole new set of hopes and terrors and expectations that I will know nothing about until I too hopefully manage to get pregnant. Our secret club (gross boys keep out!) is down to just me. And I only found out that she resigned her membership by going to her site, so maybe my feelings are bruised a little. I’m petty that way. Also, human.

I really am very happy for Zoot. She’s a great person with a generous spirit and deserves things to go her way. I’m hoping that soon I can be totally over the moon excited for her and that maybe I can even join her new club and we can trade pregnancy stories.

Before - After

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