Compartment 14B
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Zoot has been CHOSEN. 2005-02-25 - 3:35 p.m. I headed on over to MissZoot.com the other day and read the news: Zoot is pregnant! �Self,� I thought, �this is some damn fine news. Zoot and Mr. Zoot have been trying so hard for this and wanting it so much. Zoot is already a great mom, and Mr. Zoot is such a great step-dad, and it�s wonderful to see people who so deserve to be parents have babies. So why don�t you feel as thrilled for them viscerally as you do intellectually? What kind of jerk are you? C�mon, snap out of it you self-centered wench. Are you� wait a gosh-darn second here� you are! You�re jealous AREN�T YOU???� And my friends, while that�s not exactly right, it�s not exactly wrong in that there may just be a hint of it behind the way I feel. Y�see, the way I feel, it�s, well, have you seen Toy Story? Because if you haven�t this analogy won�t make much sense (and it�s a great movie so you should definitely stop reading RIGHT NOW and rent it before continuing�. Have you done it? Good, I�ll proceed on the assumption that you will now understand the rest of this�). At one point in Toy Story, Buzz and Woody find themselves in one of those contraptions where you put in money and manipulate a claw to try to grab a prize, which is then carried to the slot where you can retrieve it. This machine, in this case, is filled with little green, three-eyed toy aliens who think the Claw is some divine force that chooses who will be carried off to the next, unknown world. I kind of feel like one of those green guys watching a comrade be plucked from our midst. I don�t know what lies ahead for her in the next world but for some reason, a quality she has (luck? good hormone levels? good timing?) that I do not, Zoot has been CHOSEN. And I, of course, have not. And Zoot getting pregnant in no way shape or form has any influence over whether I will be similarly successful. I know that and mentally snort at the suggestion otherwise. But before I �came out� as �trying� in this journal, Zoot was in on the secret, and she and I would email each other about the trials and tribulations of our efforts. Now, well, she�s made it and is on to a whole new set of hopes and terrors and expectations that I will know nothing about until I too hopefully manage to get pregnant. Our secret club (gross boys keep out!) is down to just me. And I only found out that she resigned her membership by going to her site, so maybe my feelings are bruised a little. I�m petty that way. Also, human. I really am very happy for Zoot. She�s a great person with a generous spirit and deserves things to go her way. I�m hoping that soon I can be totally over the moon excited for her and that maybe I can even join her new club and we can trade pregnancy stories.
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