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Things from your youth you don't want to experience again.

2004-09-20 - 9:41 a.m.

For the squeamish or those who simply don’t want to know this much detail about me, I warn you now, avert your eyes. I am about to talk about *whispers* menstruation again...

From three months to just over one month between visits from Aunt Flo. As I see it, this is a good news/bad news situation.

Good news: My body is adjusting to being off the Pill and actually starting to produce its own hormones again, and on a more “normal” schedule.

Bad news: I have to put up with hormones and their consequences again. This includes the dreaded breakouts, water retention/weight gain and moodiness. And this is just the pre part of PMS. During the actual event, I have cramps and migraines to contend with, plus the annoying factor of having to remember to carry “feminine protection” with me and weigh the possible consequences of wearing light-coloured pants.

The good news does outweigh the bad since that was the whole point of going off the Pill, but still, I do wish the experience had gotten less icky over the years.

That first one over a month ago was very light and very short, lulling me into the false hope that maybe that’s what I could expect as a 30-something woman. It was a far cry from my experience as a teenager, the last time my hormones had free rein to keep me their slave for a full week of not being able to roll over in bed at night, but hey, maybe it was one of the benefits of getting older. Alas, not so. My period is back and it’s apparently pissed off at being kept under artificial control all these blissful, Pill-controlled years.

There’s a set of ads for Pepsi running in Canada right now where the subject is asked if there’s anything from his youth that he’d like to experience again. They then show the consequences of that wish (one wishes for his van but then you see him dropping his kids off and pulling up at work in a van airbrushed with a couple of wolves and a woman with an anti-gravity bra on; another wishes for his hair and then he’s in meetings with the most outlandish blond 80’s ‘do) and end with the guy changing his mind and saying that he’d just stick with his Pepsi. Well, if you asked that of women, I don’t know anyone that would say they’d like to experience their periods as they were back then. The industry markets “slender” tampons for teens, presumably because they think teens might be intimidated by the whole, you know, insertion thing, but really, if there’s a flow volume that justifies the “super plus” category, it that which must be contended with by teenagers.

Well, and me post-Pill apparently.

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