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Top of the mornin’ to ye.

2004-03-17 - 9:55 a.m.

Surprising as this may be coming from someone named Shawna, I am not such a fan of St. Paddy’s Day. Setting aside the fact that my most significant highschool boyfriend chose to dump me on March 17th (because of course I got over that a long time ago. No, really.), it’s really the second biggest amateur night at the bars (the first being, of course New Year’s Eve) and people who are there can’t hold their booze and just get stupid. I remember going to the campus bar for St. Patrick’s Day - the only way to get in was to get there at eleven in the morning. By noon there was a lineup and it lasted until the bar closed at 1 am (this was before the bars were allowed to stay open until 2 am). And you know, that was fine, it was a good time and appropriate for my age then, when all college kids caroused with their friends and kept odd hours and played practical jokes; it’s a very intense time of your life.

A couple of years ago though, it was made clear to me that I was outgrowing these particular festivities. I wasn’t drinking and the antics of those that were were just annoying the crap out of me. I had a “friend” there who thought it was the height of humour to tell the more odious patrons who couldn’t even see straight that I was interested in them. He’d point me out and say,

“See that girl over there? She’s cute eh? She was telling me that she thinks you’re a pretty good lookin’ guy. Why don’t you go over and introduce yourself?”

Then he’d sit back and watch them weave their way over to me, and me shoot them down when they loomed over me and try to put their arms around me (and one even tried to poke my belly button). It took me awhile to twig to the fact that the reason I was a magnet for drunken idiots that night was that someone I was with was winding these poor guys up like a child’s toy, pointing them in my direction, and setting them loose.

I’ve since lost touch with that guy and that was the last St. Patrick’s Day that I went to a bar. So if you’re Irish, or just have a thing for green beer, hey, have a great time and Erin go braugh, just go without me.

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