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Poised on the brink, remembered.

2009-06-02 - 10:25 p.m.

A year ago today, we were getting everything ready for our trip to the hospital the next morning, where our son would make his entrance into the world via a 7-inch slit in my abdomen. I remember trying to make sure I packed everything Id need, and hoping that everything would go smoothly in getting Grommet happily ensconced at her grandparents. I also remember the fact that, at the late stages of my pregnancy, I suffered a lot of acute heartburn at night, and that I found rolling over in my bed to be cumbersome. Reading about it though, Id forgotten that I rose at 5:30 am that day.

Its hard to believe that Biscuit didnt exist as his own separate entity a year ago. Hard to believe that it was less than a year ago that his squishy, curled body was held aloft, covered in goo, and introduced to me with the words, Here is your son.

I have two kids and expect that I wont bear any more. If Id started a family earlier in my life, and conceived easily, I may have had more, but that was not the path I travelled. Circumstances prevailed that led me to having my kids in my mid-30s, and while there are some advantages to that (established in my career, ergo more money to throw at these expensive critters, more mature, more patient, etc.) there is nevertheless one thought that causes me a pang of regret, unproductive and possibly even unfair as it is, and that is: how could I have gone so many years before meeting these small beings that are so much a part of me and a part of my heart? Every year they did not exist yet is a year less that I will get to spend with them during the span of my life.

A year ago we were still three. And I loved our threesome, as I loved Js and my twosome-ness before that. But oh, how lovely it is to be four. And I am so, so grateful that, even though it took awhile to get to this point in my life, Im here now.

Before - After


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