Compartment 14B
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RIP microwave. And Charred! Product! 2008-10-02 - 3:36 p.m. Two things today. First, my microwave, after years of faithful service, has given up the ghost. I made the mistake of setting it to a power level of 1 to time something the other day, and it�s now stuck there. I mean, I can heat something up if I put it in for, like, 15 minutes, but at that point I might as well use my stove. I bought this microwave in 1994. I was in third year university and it was my first big kitchen-appliance purchase. I used it for years, then 5 years ago I moved into a house with a microwave hood-fan and gave it to a friend of mine. He used it for a few years, then returned it when he bought a new one to match his stainless-steel d�cor. We pressed it into use again when we moved here a year ago. It still looks fine and not dated at all: it�s clean, compact, and still modern-looking and was one of the earlier models with a revolving glass plate � a design still used today. Until this week it heated up a slice of pizza in about forty seconds. It was a great buy and doesn�t owe me a thing after all these years. I�m sorry to see it go. Since I don�t think anyone, however, will want a microwave that heats things to �tepid� after several minutes, I�m kind of at a loss as to what to do with it. Compact as it is, it seems too big and full of metal to send to landfill. I guess my best bet would be to see if there�s an appliance recycling depot to drop it off at. Funny thing actually: when we put it on the counter in the new house I casually mentioned that I�d bought it when I lived with Steve. �Who�s Steve?� my husband wondered. I gaped at him. �Steve? The guy I was with for 3 years in university?� �I lived with him for, like, a couple of years?� �There was some talk at one point about us getting married?� Nope. All were met with blank stares. Apparently I�d never thought to mention this particular Fellow From My Past before. Ooops. I actually felt kind of guilty for poor old Steve, that after being thought of as a Significant Relationship at one point, he�d been reduced to a footnote that wasn�t even important enough to mention to my husband until four years after we�d gotten married. Sorry Steve, wherever you are. But if you�d remained friends � or at least in touch � with me like most of my exes, well, you would probably come up in conversation a lot more. Thing Number Two: Sometime back I found something, well, kind of gross looking in my corn chips (brand name withheld). Gross enough that I called the 1-800 number to tell them about it. They wanted to know if I would send the �artefact� to them and to facilitate this they sent me a pre-addressed, pre-paid envelope. (This arrived with a few Here! Have a few free bags of chips! coupons.) Off it went and this week I got a follow up. They stated, �The sample we examined� appears to be a Charred Product.� I love the capital letters they used for this, by the way, as if it was a proper name. They didn�t specifically agree that it looked gross, but they did throw in some more free chip coupons. (Trust me though, it was gross enough that I took a picture and will still refrain from posting it.) Certainly not, ahem, related to this, I�ve found a mesmerizing, time-wasting game on the Flat Earth website. Enjoy. Or shake your fist at me for introducing you to it. Whichever.
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- Yes, I�m calling because I found, well, now I know it�s not actually this, but well, it looks like, um, a small turd in my chips.
- A what?
- A turd. You know, a piece of poo.
- �
- I know it�s not, but really that�s the best description. It�s like a mini piece of poo, covered in cheese dust. It�s, like, about an inch and a half long.
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