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Compartment 14B

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Returning to human, family planning, and C or VBAC: the right choice for me.

2008-06-15 - 2:37 p.m.

I�m a dozen days post-partum and am finally starting to feel human again. I can do most low-key activities (like sit forward from a semi-reclining position) without visibly wincing. I don�t know what my weight is, but (and here�s where you may start to hate me, just a little bit) my shape is becoming less pear-like. Best of all, my skin seems to be shrinking along with my belly, so I don�t have that pooched-out smooshy belly I was dreading. I know there are no guarantees it won�t just stop retracting and I�ll end up eating my words, but I�d like to say that, for now, I�m kind of encouraged. I mean, I won�t be out of maternity clothes in the next couple of days or anything, but I can foresee a time in the not too distant future that I will be. Large and/or stretchy non-maternity clothes to be sure, but non-maternity nonetheless.

When I had Grommet, I remember sitting in the recovery room after a long, nasty labour and then scary, doped-up emergency c-section and declaring to J, �Next time, I�m not going to wait so long for the epidural�� A nurse nearby seemed astonished that I�d be thinking of the next time already and remarked that it usually took awhile for the new moms to be convinced there would even be a next time. At the time I thought, well duh, I want more than one kid and this experience was relatively fleeting in the grand scheme of things, much as it had sucked. I even felt, maybe, a small flash of pride that I was tough enough to be talking about the next time so soon if others in the same situation were daunted.

I have to admit that now, I am on the same page as that nurse. I have a beautiful son and daughter, the c-section recovery is brutal, even if the worst is over in less than 2 weeks, and I cannot imagine going through it all again, particularly since I�m 35 at this point. Maybe if we were in our mid-20s it would be different. Maybe if we had 2 boys I�d have been willing to try again for a daughter (I confess, not the other way �round though � I wouldn�t trade Biscuit for anything, but I�ve always pictured myself as having daughters so two girls would not have merited trying for a boy in my books). Maybe even if getting pregnant were easy for us, we�d give it some more consideration, but well, the deck is kind of stacked against us on this one, so, barring any unplanned (though not unwelcome) pregnancies, I�m pretty sure we�re done having babies. I can confidently state that we�re not planning on any more trips to the fertility clinic to make it happen, particularly with the attendant risk of multiples from that route.

I will always cherish the memories of my pregnancies though. I loved having the big, round, hard belly that undulated with the movement of the small being growing inside me. I was blessed with relatively easy pregnancies too � I had pre-eclampsia in my first pregnancy but I didn�t actually feel sick from it, I just had to cut back on my activity and lament the loss of my ankles; heartburn was my biggest problem towards the end of each and that�s not bad in the scheme of things. I escaped morning sickness other than a vague feeling of queasiness, I maintained a fairly high energy level and worked out until the 7th month the first time and up to 8 � months the second, and I only gained 35 lbs with my first and 31 with my second. The one or two tiny stretch marks I got the first time are hidden in my tattoo and I didn�t get any this second time around. If it weren�t for my age and my difficulty actually getting the babies out of me, I�d probably be a good candidate for being a surrogate.

Speaking of trouble birthin� babies, if you�ve been following along you know that, towards the end, I�d been wondering if I made the right choice by going with a planned c-section. Given my dismay to find that the recovery this time wasn�t actually any easier, you may think I�d regret the fact I didn�t try for a VBAC: not so my friends. During the section my OB set my mind at ease as to whether I�d made the right decision or not by remarking, �I�m glad you didn�t labour. Your uterus is very thin at the site of the old c-section.� In other words, she feels that I would have been in danger of uterine rupture. I�m glad she shared this with me because now, rather than wondering if I missed out on a better option, I feel like I maybe dodged a bit of a bullet.

So, while I won�t say I don�t care how Biscuit got here (insert obligatory �as long as he�s healthy�), I do feel at peace with it. A c-section may have a long, painful recovery, but at least I know it was the best option for me. And if we do have another baby because, like Marilyn, we manage to have an unplanned, non-Clomid-induced pregnancy, I�ll take the c-section and be grateful that I live in an age when it�s an option.

Before - After


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