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How I roll.

2007-09-17 - 10:05 a.m.

I just got an email entitled “Pregnancy Update” from an acquaintance of mine. Along with some interesting information on medical terminology, they are passing on the news that they are expecting identical twin girls. (As an aside, am I the only person that seems to know a HUGE number of people who have had or are having twins? And, as far as I know, none of the people I know with twins were on any kind of fertility medication. But I digress…)

Now, I ran into them at a friend’s going-away bash (he’s been posted to Afghanistan) about a month ago so I knew they were pregnant and expecting twins. I also know, from their candour at that event, that this pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected and, while they didn’t exactly reject the idea, they weren’t 100% behind it either – certainly not yet at that point. These friends, you see, already have two children and I think they kind of felt they had already completed their family at this point. They seemed to still be kind of reeling from the recent ultrasound, whose results had told them that they were going to double their number of children in one shot.

Am I jealous? Well, certainly a bit. They conceived four kids without drugs or even actively trying for the last two. And, despite the increased risks, I’d be all for having twins if I manage to get – and stay (something I didn’t used to have to write because it went without saying but, well, things are different now) – pregnant again. (I’d better be okay with it, given the increased “risk” of twins that comes with taking Clomid.)

It got me thinking, however, about the different reactions people have to other’s pregnancies when they’re trying and failing to get pregnant themselves.

I hear of women who have reproductive trouble that cannot stand to be around pregnant women or even talk of pregnancy, so emotionally devastated are they by their plight, and I’d be lying if I say I wasn’t hit with a brief flash of “No fair! You got pregnant and stayed that way!” every time I see a visibly pregnant woman. But I have to admit, I can’t totally relate to the people that have to avoid baby showers for fear they’ll break down in tears. I’m so glad that I can be genuinely happy for my pregnant friends and that I can hang out with them, email them, and generally share in the joys and frustrations that pregnancy brings. I may have a niggling little bit of jealousy, but it’s easily squashed.

I know what some people are thinking: “It’s easy for you to roll with that punch; you already have a child.” However, I didn’t feel like that even while we were trying so long for Grommet. J and I had talked about the “what if we can’t have our own biological children” scenarios and, though I’d always pictured myself as having a couple of kids, I don’t think we would have chosen IVF or adoption. Fertility drugs yes (obviously), and perhaps up to IUI if it becomes necessary, but we would probably stop short of the more invasive procedures. Maybe this means we’re just not as emotionally driven to have children as some people, but don’t think for a second that it means that we don’t love and appreciate our daughter for the wondrous gift that she is, or that we’re going to just give up trying for a sibling for her.

So, no Clomid this month, but we’re trying anyway. Can’t hurt right? And maybe I’ll be as lucky as Marilyn and slip one past the goalie without the wonder drug. Personally, I think it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get the ultrasound to check for a follicle this round too – just to see if I’m right and I’m ovulating but having too short a luteal phase for implantation. Now if I can just convince Dr. Hubris…

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