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And life rolls on.

2007-09-11 - 11:14 a.m.

Yesterday I had more blood drawn. It was quite a contrast to last week, when I was all a-twitter and sure that the results were just an unnecessary confirmation that yes, I was indeed pregnant. Yesterday was to find out if my hormone levels have returned to normal and I should start with the next round of Clomid today, or if I’ll be sitting this cycle out.

The lab tech asked me “What’s going on?” when she saw me back for a second round of hCG and progesterone tests and probably looking kind of wilted. I told her that I’d miscarried and she said, “What happened? I thought things were going well!” To which I could only say, “I don’t know really, and me too, but the results last week were only a tenth of what they should have been, so I guess things weren’t going well even then.”

So, I’m back at work, feeling a little cringe-y, to be honest, about the fact that I was crying in front of my boss last week. I haven’t run into him yet and I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I really don’t like crying at work and certainly not in front of the boss. Ick. I also haven’t been asked yet by anyone why I was away and am not sure exactly what to tell them. I mean, I’ll tell them I was sick but if they press for details I’m not sure what to say other than a firm, “just not well and I don’t want to go into the gory details.” I don’t really like lying, but I’m certainly not going to tell anyone exactly what happened. And there’s a lovely woman who works in the next cube that I know will ask if I’m feeling better. I guess I can say that I am, but the way I felt “bad” wasn’t physical to begin with so it’s, again, kind of an uncomfortable prospect to think about talking with her. Oh well, I’m a big girl (and Big Girls Don’t Cry - a song that came on the radio as I was trying to stifle tears on Friday: it seemed very apt at the time but I suppose it was kind of corny) and I suppose I can handle it.

Now, to get my head out of my ovaries for a change, I just feel I should really say how great Grommet is these days. She’s totally charming and cute and learning all kinds of new words. And here’s something cool: she was looking at a word jumble this past weekend and started to say “D!” Then she started pointing to a number puzzle and started to say “Four!” While she wasn’t pointing to the letter D or the number 4 at the time, I found it very interesting that she said letters when looking at a letter puzzle and numbers when looking at a number puzzle. For 19.5 months, I think that’s pretty darn good.

Also, last night? She said “potty” and then tooted and I thought to myself that she just felt the fart coming on and wasn’t it clever of her to make the association? Then about a minute later she pooped. So, had I just listened to her and put her on her potty when she asked, she would have pooped there. Mumma dropped the ball on that one.

She’s brilliant, obviously. Too bad her mother is holding her back.

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Just got the word that my hormones are back to “normal” levels but that my doc wants me to sit this cycle out anyway. I wish I could show him up and conceive without his voodoo but, sadly, I suspect it’s not likely to happen and we’ll just lose another month, more if I run true to form and have a long cycle. Bah.

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