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That's nice!

2007-06-16 - 3:09 p.m.

Yes, I know it’s been awhile. My internet has, horrors, been down.

Grommet is definitely a toddler now and will do hot laps around the couch, only occasionally going down to her knees with an “Ow!” Her vocabulary is expanding to the degree that it’s hard to resist tinkering with it a bit. Hilariously, she now says, “Nice.” when something good happens. The other morning I was getting changed for work, and when she saw my chest exposed she started stuttering a hopeful, “Buh! Buh!”

“You want some boob? Well, I guess there is kind of an implied promise here, isn’t there? Okay, but we’ve gotta make it quick.” I lifted her onto the bed where I cuddle and nurse her every morning (I don’t normally nurse though, after we’re up for the day), and was greeted with an enthusiastic,

“Nice!”

So cute. So funny. We’ll have to teach her “Thank you.” instead of just “Nice.” one of these days though.

:::

So I was reading Rob’s blog today and I found myself struck by what he said. Lately I’ve been thinking, in a way, in the total opposite direction. While Rob still sees his baby daughter in her young-girl face, I find that I cannot conjure up what Grommet looked like as a newborn, or a year, six months, or even a month ago. I see her so often that to me she looks like Grommet and, even though I know she changes, I can only see present-tense Grommet when I close my eyes.

Maybe that’s why I take so many pictures. I can conjure up images that have already been frozen in time by my camera, but I can’t picture her outside those moments. I can remember how she felt in my arms when she was a tiny bundle, her legs still bent, plucked-chicken-like, from being curled up in the womb. I can remember the emotions I experienced at certain moments – the despair of having sore boobs while knowing I’d have to offer them to her again at any moment so that she could eat; the moments of grace like the one where she’d first started to sit supported and she watched me with solemn, wide eyes as I propped her up and sang Lean on me to her. But I can’t actually picture her smiling in moments when I know she did smile and her baby face has been replaced by her toddler face in my mind’s eye.

I know she was beautiful though, from the moment she was born. And I've got the pictures to prove it.

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