Compartment 14B
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Can't touch this. Dum da duh duh, dum duh, dum duh... 2005-08-24 - 10:21 a.m. Today I�m wearing a skirt that I�ve fastened closed with a hair elastic. Sshhhh. Sixteen weeks yesterday. I�m not sure why it feels like a milestone more than, say, fifteen weeks did. Maybe because I think of the multiples of four as equaling a month, even if that�s not technically the case. It kind of blows my mind that �suddenly� Grommet is about 4 � inches long (crown to rump), and that�s not even counting her legs! I went for a walk with a friend who�s rather keen on babies on Monday. She started exclaiming over the Belly right away; so fast I got a little defensive I think. There are still people who are surprised when I tell them, even when I tell them while wearing gym clothes and you�d think it would be obvious in form-fitting togs like that. Maybe they just think I�ve chubbed out? Anyway, she also exclaimed over the fact that she thinks the boobs are getting bigger. I have to say, maybe they are slightly but my bras still fit just fine so I�m not convinced it�s anything significant. I�ve noticed that when people know, they seem to see changes that no one else does, even me. If they didn�t know, I�m not convinced they�d see any difference in some respects. Sure, the Belly is undeniable if you look for it now, and a particularly observant person will spot it even if nothing�s been mentioned of my gravid state, but the boobs? Wishful thinking I think. Take the woman at the gym with whom I often co-teach: out of necessity she was in on the secret really early. Every week after that she�d say that she thought I was getting noticeably bigger and was surprised no one had noticed yet, yet at the time the scale showed a gain of less than four pounds and all my clothes still fit. Had I told her 5 or 6 weeks later than I did, I think she would have still been surprised at that point and only then started �noticing� a week-by-week enlargement. The funny thing is that last week she changed her tune and said she was surprised I was as small as I was for 15 weeks. I don�t know if people here at work are noticing or not but no one�s asked me yet. My managers know and the �top dog� here knew almost from the beginning, but I haven�t made an announcement to my peers or anything. I was going to, but it seems kind of dramatic to do so when we�re in a meeting and meetings are generally the only time we�re all gathered together, so I may just wait for it to come up in conversation or for them to actually notice. I think I�m trying to put off the day it becomes common knowledge because I�ve noticed that when people do know it�s all they talk about to me and I start to feel more like a vessel for the baby than an actual person myself. Also � and I�m fully aware this may sound weird coming from someone who confides in the Internet � I don�t really like to share all the time. It�s one thing to share when and with whom I choose, it�s another thing to have sharing foisted upon me all the time. I keep getting questions like, �Are you excited about it?� To me this kind of falls in the no-shit-Sherlock category and I want to say something like, �Duh, what do you think?� but I don�t want to be rude. Nor do I really want to be all gushy with a woman I hardly know or may not know AT ALL so I know I come off all non-committal, yeah-I-guess-so, which earns me some odd looks from the spilly-over-with-emotion baby-lovers. I�m just not one of those people, as you know if you�ve been reading this journal for a long time. I�m not someone who feels the need to hold any baby who�s in the same room with me, and I feel it would be obtrusive and offensive to just touch a woman�s stomach whether there�s a baby in there or not. I�ve had people I know already touch my belly and I�ve let them get away with it but heaven help the first stranger that pulls that shit on me in a way that sets off my Spidey sense. I wouldn�t take a well-meaning old granny type�s hands off at the wrists or anything, but if someone approaches me and figuratively and literally rubs me the wrong way? I am not someone to take that particularly well. I just hope I come up with the right words at the time rather than several hours too late. I�m already mentally preparing myself to be polite but firm� polite and firm where it�s warranted that is: I was recently told a story by J�s cousin. About 10 years ago she was in a local mall with an obviously pregnant friend when a woman came up checked the expectant mother�s hand for a ring, and started hurling vituperations at her for not being married. Now, aside from the fact that most women I know can�t wear their wedding rings after a certain point in their pregnancies because their hands swell up, IT WAS SO NONE OF THIS WOMAN�S BUSINESS! It completely boggles my mind that, completely unprovoked, someone would go out of their way to verbally attack a stranger at all, much less A PREGNANT WOMAN! The very thought of it gets my blood boiling. Okay, deep breath. I can only hope that this wouldn�t happen today, though sadly, if it did then I suspect it could now � though not as extreme, I�ve certainly heard of rude behaviour directed at a pregnant woman in the last couple of months. Either way, let�s try to send Grommet some positive vibes instead, shall we? So I went to yoga last night and have had to start modifying some stuff there to not totally squish the little guy. I feel better for having gone though. I even did a treadmill warm-up beforehand that included a couple of 2-3 minute bouts of light jogging. I won�t be able to do anything quite that bouncy soon enough, but it felt good to work up a light sweat while I�m still able. Next week, first �real� visit with the midwife (as opposed to the two getting-to-know-each-other consultations we�ve had so far) and the results of our Integrated Prenatal Screening should be in. My fingers are crossed for good news and happily, deep down, I think we�re going to get it. I feel very positive about this pregnancy and that the outcome will be a healthy son or daughter. Maybe I�ll even get a chance to find out which in the next month or so.
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