Compartment 14B

Be careful what you wish for. 2005-06-26 - 12:21 a.m. You know how the other day I was writing about how unreal the pregnancy still seems to me? Well it turns out that nothing brings home the reality of the fact you�re pregnant quite so much as the fear of losing it. The day before yesterday I noticed a light beige tint that would normally, for me, precede the end of a cycle. While both the internet and my fertility doctor have reassured me that it�s nothing to worry about, both caution that if it turns bright red and/or I get major cramping I should head straight to emergency. Sadly, the internet also hints that if it comes to that point there won�t be anything that the hospital can do to help me. Needless to say, I slept fitfully last night and my dreams were filled with me running around looking for washrooms in which to check for bright red blood. Inevitably, I eventually find it and then freak the fuck out. Fortunately, my waking checks have only noted a slightly darker beige from time to time and I�m still hoping that nothing is truly wrong. When I was on the Pill 24/7 with no week off, ever, I actually got this same thing happening from time to time. Since that situation mimics pregnancy, I supposed it�s not too far fetched to think that now that I actually am pregnant, I should find the same thing happening. Still, I will be one relieved chyck when I can actually get some proof that Grommet is still doing okay. My first prenatal visit is this Thursday and I�m hoping that, because of the Clomid if for no other reason, my doctor will order an ultrasound to check how things are progressing and if there�s more than one proto-baby in there. I doubt she will though, she�s ruthlessly practical and if there�s a standard date to do it coming up � say, at the 12-week mark � she won�t likely have one before then as well. In the meantime, I hope I sleep better tonight. My paranoia is such that I�m easing off the pregnancy reading for tonight and choosing an evolutionary biology novel instead. That oughtta put me right out. Before - After All content � Shawna 2003-2010 That means no swiping my stuff - text, images, etc. - without asking. P.S. If you're emailing me, replace the [at] with @ in the "to" line. Oh, and if you put the word "journal" in the subject line it'll have a better chance of making it past my junk mail filters. recommend me HTML and design help by Jo hosted by Diaryland