Compartment 14B
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Deep breath. 2005-01-03 - 12:45 p.m. I was a little surprised by how disappointed I felt when I hung up the phone. I blinked hard and swallowed. My doctor had sounded perfectly reasonable when she said that 7 or 8 months wasn�t long enough to refer me to a clinic, even if that clinic had a 5-month waiting list for an initial consultation; that I should call her back in March or April if I�d not succeeded by then. Intellectually, I knew where she was coming from. No 32 isn�t really that old and wouldn�t be a high priority for the clinic. If I didn�t wait now, I�d just wait later as it was unlikely they�d put a �rush� on me when they�ve got 38 year-olds ahead of me. And yes, 50% of couples trying get pregnant within 6 months and that meant 50% didn�t so why did I think I was special? I didn�t want to sound petulant or unreasonably anxious by pointing out that the majority of couples have fairly regular or at least predictable cycles. I know someone who was referred directly to a fertility clinic as soon as she wanted to start trying because she gets only about 4 periods a year. I�m on track for 6 a year so why do those two extras mean I have to wait a full year before even starting to find out why? She seemed genuinely concerned about the �strain� that could be put on my relationship with my husband if we tried for too long. I don�t really get that because I wouldn�t say that charting or trying was a �strain�. Unlike many women whose journals I�ve read, I don�t get reduced to tears when I (finally) get my period at the end of each (long) cycle. I don�t face telling J with trepidation that we�ve �failed� this month. I don�t actually feel like a failure. Yes, J and I want kids but we don�t define our sense of worth by whether we get to be parents or not. At least, not yet. What I do want, as soon as I can, is to find out if my ever-increasing cycle-length and short luteal phase is a real problem or if we can get pregnant either without intervention or, if some sort of �help� is required, what that level of intervention would have to be. J and I have talked very briefly about how far we�d want to go to conceive but haven�t made any hard and fast decisions. All we know is that there is a point beyond which we probably won�t go and as to what that point is, well, it�s hard to figure out until we are confronted with what it might have to be. It�s all well and good to think the world is getting overpopulated but until you�re faced with having to make a conscious choice it�s only an intellectual exercise. Watching J with our niece is enough to make my heart melt but I don�t really want to take my temperature every day for a year and give it the old college try on late nights when J has to get up at 4:45 for work the next morning if there�s no chance it�ll result in anything. I�d rather put the thermometer away and jump my husband when the whim strikes because he�s irresistibly adorable. I suppose what I want from the medical profession is the knowledge that will enable us to choose the best course of action for us. And it looks like I�m going to get some answers. Less than 5 minutes after hanging up the phone with my doctor she called back. �Do you just want me to refer you?� �What?� �Do you just want me to refer you to the clinic and let them decide how long you should wait before they call you in? I hung up and thought to myself, �She�s not going to be happy if I make her wait,� so if you want I�ll refer you and you can fill out all the forms and paperwork and leave it up to them to go from there. Would you want that?� �Yes.�
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