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The Chicken and the Eggwhite

2004-10-12 - 10:49 a.m.

So weíre on round two of ďtryingĒ.

I wrote the following to the lovely and sympathetic Miss Zoot a couple of days ago:

Well, the first cycle I had after going off the Pill was THREE MONTHS but the next one was only from the 15th of August to the 19th of September so they're starting to get to more realistic lengths. I haven't had a "natural" cycle since going on the Pill in my teens so I don't know if I'd normally be at 28 days or what. Based on the last one [my period would] be due, oh, October 24th. Since I think my cycles are shrinking back to normal though, I'm roughly ballparking the 28-day target, so as early as the 17th.

Guess that means we have to keep going for awhile to cover the spread. J will be so disappointed. Heh.

Shawna

P.S. I'm still not convinced I'm ovulating AT ALL yet so I'm thinking of keeping track of my basal body temperature. I printed out a chart and went to buy a digital thermometer yesterday but the damn thing doesn't work so I'll need to exchange it.


Now the reason Iím still not convinced Iím ovulating yet is that I have seen no sign of the ďeggwhiteĒ mucus thatís been promised by the fertility experts. (Iím feeling too lazy to put in a link but if you google things like fertility + mucus + ovulating, youíll get hits that explain this phenomenon, I promise you.)

I remember this mucus from my teenage years when I was all, ďWhatthefuckisTHIS?Ē about it, because, of course, most teenagers (particularly celibate ones) have no reason to want to be aware of when theyíre ovulating. Now that I know what it means and want it to manifest itself, since going off the Pill my mucus has been stubbornly uncooperative. I couldnít even say that itís been changing throughout the weeks at all. It certainly doesnít remotely resemble the clear and stretchy eggwhite consistency that would signal ALL SYSTEMS GO!

So, Iíve now exchanged the broken thermometer and am all set to start keeping track of my basal body temperature. This, make no mistake, will be a bit of a pain. But I want to have some sort of proof as to whether or not Iím ovulating. If I am but donít know it because my mucus hasnít gotten with the plan yet, itíll help figure out when to try. If Iím not, well, itíll help with the freaky level of AM I OR AM I NOT? suspense. I wonít have to waste my adrenaline on the hopeful terror that accompanies the time between starting to try and finding out that Iím not pregnant.

I donít do suspense well.

The terror part, by the way, is surely not unnatural? I know there are many women whose first reaction to being pregnant would be an overwhelming joy.

I am not one of those women.

Oh sure, I want kids (though itís not my sole mission in life), but the process of actually carrying them inside my body and then GIVING BIRTH to them really freaks me out. I know that if it was truly that bad, no one would have more than one kid if they didnít have twins, and everyone on this earth has a mother thatís gone through the process in some form. And I know that itís supposedly ďworth itĒ because hey, small being produced to pass on your genetic material and take care of you in your old age. Who could argue with that? But you see, that doesnít make a whit of difference to my anxiety level because I havenít gone through it and, frankly, it sounds painful.

In crime novels the medical examiner inspects the skeleton of the unidentified woman for identity clues; if he or she finds deep grooves in the inside of the pelvis, then that woman has given birth. Letís pause and think about that for a moment.
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Forget the fact that my vagina has to stretch to accommodate a babyís head (and Iím hoping for stretching rather than tearing, thankyouverymuch), my baby will furrow grooves into my skeleton because my pelvis will have to widen to accommodate an infant noggin.

*gulp*

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