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It’s good to be getting my ass back.

2004-09-15 - 12:36 p.m.

Historically, my ass has been my most consistently-complimented feature. I have never really attracted “boob men” but the “ass men” have been voluble in their appreciation.

My weight gain over last winter put this in jeopardy. At one point, near my heaviest, I caught a glimpse of my ass in a mirror and was horrified. I felt like Geena Davis in The Long Kiss Goodnight, when she comes out of her amnesia and is deriding the person she’s been for the last eight years as if she was a different person entirely. In the midst of her mocking she brandishes her derrière at Samuel L. Jackson and exclaims, “Look at what she did to my ass!”

I knew exactly how she felt (minus the whole emerging-from-amnesia-and-realizing-I’m-a-spy thing, of course). My ass in that mirror did not look like the ass I knew and loved, and which was loved by others. That ass, well, that ass was an ass only a husband in love could love. I had grown rather “broad in the beam,” as the saying goes.

Now that I’ve lost ten pounds and am starting to fit back into my “regular” clothes (as opposed to my “fat” clothes) I can see the Ghost of Ass Past™ peeking through. I’d have to say that of that ten pounds, easily half of it had to be hanging out in the basement while the rest was distributed fairly evenly on my legs, belly and (gak, this ain’t pretty and I’m glad it’s going) under my chin. (To continue the metaphor I supposed that’d be on the foundation, the front porch and maybe under the eaves? In the soffit? Sadly, none went to the balcony and my rack was as average as ever.)

I have a way to go yet but at least I’m getting there. If it keeps up I might even dare to try on some of my looser "skinny" clothes in a month or so.

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