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The nature of click.

2004-07-13 - 5:56 p.m.

Do you believe in love at first sight? That instant when you look at someone for the first time and know that they are just right for you? Well I’m not so good at recognizing that for myself (it took me a couple of months to fall irrevocably head over heels for my husband) but sometimes I’ve done it for other pairings. My ex that I talked about yesterday was the ultimate example.

When he and I broke up, we worked hard at moving into a friendship. We made a point of getting together for dinner or, eventually, just hanging out. I got another boyfriend and still we managed. He dated a woman briefly and he and I still got together to watch the tube and cook up a batch of chili or brownies which we’d split at the end of the night. This routine lasted longer than that woman in his life.

Then he met The One.

I had some clues, to be sure. He was happy and bouncy in a way I hadn’t seen him in, well, the three+ years since we’d gotten together.

The fateful night came when I met her. I was on my way out of his apartment with my Tupperware container of chili and she arrived just as I was leaving. We chatted for a couple of minutes and then I was on my way.

Later I was asked by some friends, “So you met the new girlfriend? What did you think?”

My reply?

“I think he’s going to marry her.”

And I was right. I took one look at her and just knew that she was the one for him. They just, well, worked together. What I didn’t know was that that was also destined to be the last night he and I cooked together. For a long time I was vaguely resentful that our friendship ended then. I never blamed her; I always knew that he just didn’t want to mix worlds and wanted a fresh start (he once semi-joked about how he didn’t want us comparing notes). And I was a little ticked that I’d risked my new boyfriend’s displeasure by continuing to make the ex a priority friend, while the ex wasn’t willing to do the same. Ultimately and eventually though, I understood.

I have another two friends that got together that I got the same feeling when I first saw them as a couple. While I didn’t predict it, when I did see them together I just thought ‘yes, of course, that makes sense’. I told him and when they broke up he reminded me with a slightly bitter, “so much for your intuition”. When they got back together, a few months later I got to say, “Ah HAH!” They’re still going strong and I don’t see them breaking up again.

As for my situation? I may have been slow to see it myself but my mother was right on target. She met J for 15 minutes (I sprang him on her at the end of a shopping trip, poor man) and the next time she talked to me she declared, among other enthusiastic comments, “I could see you marrying him.”

I guess mother does know best, lucky for me.

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Psst. No entry tomorrow but I'll be back Thursday if all goes to plan.

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